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Desperate italian waitress chronicle

Ah, working with the public. Each and every day you amaze yourself, you are fascinated by human biodiversity. I manage the Chalet le Marmotte in Limone Piemonte, a restaurant on the top of a mountain, and trust me, working with the public isn’t easy. 

I decided to share with you some episodes of my daily life:

The un-believer perpetually:

‘ Excuse me, to go to the Central Fort, where should I go? ‘

‘ Follow the road in front of you, the first time keep the right and when you arrive at the top of the mountain, at the left! ‘

‘ Ah, thank you! ‘

I turn around, I do something else, I turn around and…

The same client to your colleague: ‘ Excuse me, to go to the central fort, where should I go? ‘

What… The importance of being a customer:

I’m cleaning a table between the first and second round. A gentleman approaches while I’m still cleaning the table and summon…. ‘ Ehmm, let’s clean this table well, I recommend, we are customers! ‘ I turn, I look at him, he’s topless in a restaurant.

The weather forecast:

The phone rings: ‘ Good morning, sorry, what’s the weather like up there? ‘

‘ It’s good! ‘ 

‘ Ah, because here’s raining! ‘

(Now that I know I feel better)

The inattentive (Part 1):

‘ How are the piadine filled? ‘

‘ Tomato and Mozzarella or soft chesse and salad ‘

‘ OK, give me the ham and cheese! ‘


IThe inattentive (Part 2):

‘ Excuse me, the toilet? ‘

‘ Out, straight, under the terrace! ‘

‘ Ehm… Shall I have to go out? ‘

(Oh, well, your choice!)

The inattentive (Part 3):

So, sir, I repeat your order before I send it to the kitchen. You have: A, B, C, D, four dishes, correct? ‘

‘ Yes! ‘

‘ Shall I send the order to the kitchen? ‘

‘ Yes! ‘

Print the receipt: ‘That’s €38.50 ‘

‘ Oh noooooo! ‘

‘ Sorry? ‘

‘No, I took too much stuff, we’re two to eat! ‘

(Just for the record, The Inattentive client goes to take his dishes and leaves one for the kitchen because ‘ I had ordered too much ‘)

The square inattentive:

‘ Then, this is your water-glass. The water is self-service from the dispenser over there. ‘

‘ Yes, OK. So you give me the water? ‘

‘ No, it’s self-service! ‘

‘ Ah OK! ‘

Well. So when this pager rings, you have to come to pick up your tray with your lunch right here. ‘

Ok. So you bring me the food to the table? ‘

No. When it ri…. ‘

‘ But what is this? ‘

‘ It’s the pager that when it rings… ‘

‘ Aaaaaaaaah! Smart ! ‘

(Smarter than you ;P)

The one I never understood.

‘ Bring me a glass of water and mint… But without mint! ‘

‘ So you want a glass of water! ‘

‘ Mh no! A glass of water and mint but no mint! ‘

I bring a glass of water: ‘ All right? ‘

‘ Aaaaahh yummy, just what I wanted! ‘

The one: this is my home, I decide here!

The customer orders a polenta withh cheese fondue. When I give it to him: 

‘ No miss This is not the cheese fondue polenta! ‘ 

‘ No? ‘ (Our specialty has been polenta for 15 years)

‘ No, you see, at my house the fondue is done with a dash of red sauce in the center ‘ (right in the center I guess, if not who knows what other polenta would become)

‘ Look here we do so. Fondue is fondue, a white sauce, not red! ‘ 

‘ No No… You must put me a dash of red sauce! ‘ 

‘ Look I can’t because that’s just another dish, it’s a mixed polenta that’s not included in the skier’s offer at €10 with water and coffee. ‘ 

‘ Ehy but I’ll come here for the whole season! ‘

‘ So next time you know to order a mixed polenta cheese fondue and tomato sauce ‘

‘ You shouldn’t do this to me ‘

(Maybe It was a threat, maybe not, who knows)

The profiteer:

Come in, do not answer the greeting: ‘ Where is the central fort? ‘

I give him directions.

‘ And where is that mountain with the tip at the top? ‘ (…..)

Explain. He asks you the location of all the fortification around you. You see him hesitating. You offer to give him the free maps of the paths. Not happy:

‘ Would you fill up my flask? ‘

Done. ‘ Ah, the toilet? ‘

Explain it to him.

‘ Goodbye! ‘

(Well hope not, I wonder what you’ll ask me next time, maybe my blood!?)

The culinary expert:

I serve him pasta with saffron and speck:

‘ Excuse me, where’s the saffron? ‘

‘ The saffron is already in the pasta sauce, blended together! ‘

‘ Ooooooooooooh no, not this! ‘

(Who knows, maybe he wanted the saffron pistils to be poured like Parmesan, mah ‘)

The kleptomaniac:

It’s almost afternoon, and I see my father rising from the table and running out of the restaurant. 

A gentleman with a A.T.V has loaded insied of it 4 stones and is leaving. The stones were in a fenced corner behind our restaurant. They were fenced because every single stone of the hut was collected around by my father, who collected them for about 20 years in anticipation of the construction.

The Gentleman crosses the fence and is leaving. At this point my father decides to repay him with the same coin: he takes the stones from the open trunk of the A.T.V. and is about to go. He notices my father taking off the stones and gets angry. My father explains that, if they were fenced, there was a reason. The Gentleman answers him: ‘ Come On, you have a whole mountain to take! ‘

My father replies: ‘ Exactly, the mountain and its stones are waiting for you! ‘

To be continued.. And this is a threat!

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